WILL I?

oh my god. ternyata selama ini gue salah persepsi. gue salah. setelah dipikir2 lagi gue salah.



see, for everyone yg belom tau, i have this 'lifetime crush' and i've swooned over him since like, forever.

well ya ga forever juga sih tapi ya lama lah!
dan, for your information, gue. ga. pernah.ngomong. sama. dia.

yep, that's right

senyum aja ga pernah

selama ini, gue mengklaim bahwa ini adalah love at first sight.tapi ternyata bukan. maaf buat temen2 gue yang selama ini gue cekokin ttg love at first sight.gue juga baru sadar skrg soalnya.

intinya, gue tau kalo perasaan gue ini udah beyond admiring, tp i didn't dare to say that it is love.

maybe i'm just scared
maybe i'm just afraid, as usual, like a coward i am. i'm always afraid.

kronologisnya

pertama gue liat dia, gue ga kasitau kapan dan dimana, tapi pertama kali gue liat dia, that first encounter, dia sebetulnya ngajak ngomong gue.

well sebetulnya ga ngajak ngomong, dia cuman manggil gue, krn ada temen gue yg manggil gue tp gue ga denger2. krn gue budek. dan buduk (loh)

dan pada saat itu gue bahkan ga ngeliat dia untuk kedua kalinya. ga terlintas bahwa dia lucu ganteng apalah itu ga ada pikiran sama sekali.

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yaudah. kejadian itu lewat. gue ga kepikiran ttg dia sama sekali. sumpah, suer.

tapi, sejak saat itu gue selalu notice dia

selalu. dimana2

noticenya juga bukan "wah ganteng banget!! gitu engga"

kira2 di kepala gue kalo gue liat dia itu terlintas kata2 seperti "eh dia" ato "eh si yg waktu itu" ato "eh that guy" ato apalah itu

gue bahkan ga tau namanya. dan kelas berapa.

dan, yaudah semuanya berjalan seperti biasa....

sampe suatu saat,temen2 gue mendesak apakah gue punya gebetan ato ga, waktu itu jamannya mereka lg suka2an tuh, gue ga suka sama siapa2 tp. jd i have no clue

terus tiba2 muka dia terlintas di pikiran gue

tapi gue hiraukan

nah sejak saat itu, mulai nih ada yg aneh

setiap kali ada dia, gue selalu liat

first time i saw him, i stared for a second
the second encounter, it lasted 2 seconds
the third time, *third times a charm* lalala i stared like.......i dont know, a long time?

dan, sejak saat itu gue bingung.

it was like a magnetic pull, you know, suddenly i gravitate around him
well not gravitate juga ya pokoknya tiba2 yaaa kepikiran

everytime i closed my eyes, i was met with that familiar face

dan sejak saat itu ya.... *sepertinya* gue suka
gue masih agak ragu jg sih

yaudah pokoknya gue akhirnya tau namanya, kelasnya, lalalalala nya

tiba2 dia jadi yg paling2 di mata gue

the most, gorgeous, handsome,cutest,nicest smile, lalalalalala the list could go on forever


i tried to deny it at first, tp ya skrg sih gue udh accept aja


gue udh mencoba melupakan sebelumnya, ga bisa
udah membiarkannya mengharapkan bakal ilang dgn sendirinya, ga bisa juga



so, here i am

1 year and a half later

still totally,*hopelessly*, crushing over him

still bewitched by his boyish charm

still swooning over him

still smiling everytime i see him

and still grimacing when i saw him sad, or sullen.


and, still don't have enough courage to just man up and bring myself to talk to him.
or even smile

1 year and a half

1 year and a half later, when we graduate, will i still be what i am today?

or will i finally have enough guts and already greeted him?

only time will tell



will i ever be able to put up a conversation with him?

will i ever have enough guts to call his name?

will i ever greet him, and have him greet me back?

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will he ever notice me?